I really hate my life and everything about myself. But tonight I was at Cody's and I asked for something to drink. Of course he said no at first, but after showing how deprived I was, he concurred. I grabbed a cup and opened his fridge. I saw a pitcher which looked to be full of water. I poured myself a glass and put the pitcher away. I took a sip and to my astonishment, the liquid in my cup wasn't actually water. It was clear kool-aid. It was so awesome. That was the highlight of my week... possibly summer.
Tomorrow, I might think about doing something with my life. But I'll just play Madden 09 on my PSP instead. And lose to Baltimore 54-3 on All-Madden again. My life, FUCK.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
This So Called "Shit" Is What I Live For
Hardcore is my life. I don't care if it's cheesy to admit that, or if it's just another cliche' to you. The bottom line is that if it weren't for hardcore and my involvement with the scene, I have no idea where I'd be, what I'd be doing, or who I would even be. All I know is this is where I want to be, this is what I want to be doing, and this is who I want to be.
Let me take you back four years. My parents had just gotten divorced. I had a lot of questions and no answers. All I felt was guilt, but that's another story. I was just another bro, wearing whatever was cool and only concerned with fitting in. I wanted to look good because I thought it would make me look like I was happy and normal, when in all reality I was going through depression and dealing with anxiety issues, was seeing a psychologist once or twice a week, and was prescribed to antidepressants. I had nothing to fall back on since my hockey season had been a drag, so like every other lost soul on this Earth, I found relief in alcohol. Every weekend was a quest for a party or any way to drink, because it was the only way to get my mind off of things. Towards the end of my freshman year, a friend of mine told me his band was playing at the hangout. "The Hangout? That's where the weird kids hang out." I thought to myself. I went anyways and I went alone at that. At the show, I ran into Jake Juliano and Jordan Cook who I knew from school. I knew Jake from a gym class and being the loud kid who always ran around naked in the locker room spraying goldbond everywhere and Jordan and I had once been good friends sometime in elementary/middle school. Needless to say, I remember them being surprised to have seen me there, so they gave me a flier for Jesus Wept's CD release show which was coming up in 2 weeks. I had started listening to "heavier" music at the time like Atreyu, As I Lay Dying, and The Used and my friend Cory Beaumont had just introduced me to Comeback Kid, so I decided to give it a shot. I went to the show, and the rest as they say, is history.
I could sit for hours and type out why I started booking shows, all the different subgenres I've been into and my favorite bands over the past 3 years, but that would take hours. This was just the "turn around" as I call it. Hell, it was actually an Atreyu song that inspired me to get away from alcohol (Ex's and Oh's). When it comes down to it, all of my best friends and the coolest, most interesting people I have ever met I met because of hardcore and "underground" music as a whole. It taught me to be my own person and to separate myself from "social norms" and society's general acceptance. I found something that speaks and makes sense to me. There are a million different ways I could've spent my high school years, but I wouldn't have it any other way and I won't have it any other way. I never want this to leave me or me to leave it. I want to be an oldhead. I want to be the guy kids go to for old show stories and band histories. The only regret I have is that I didn't get into it earlier.
This post/rant was brought to you in part by a conversation between myself and Matt "xWhiteyx" Yocum.
Song of the day: "Yesterday's Trash" by Modern Life Is War
"Another new beginning: down the fucking drain.
Screaming "never again" as we watch it wash away.
God Damn.
Disappointment sure does have a way of adding up.
But it's all a matter of perspective so we'd better start looking up.
Don't give up...cause someone said these are our glory days.
So let's do our best to beat the misery that comes with being young and fucked up.
Time to rise up.
Before yesterday's trash becomes tomorrow's hard luck."
Let me take you back four years. My parents had just gotten divorced. I had a lot of questions and no answers. All I felt was guilt, but that's another story. I was just another bro, wearing whatever was cool and only concerned with fitting in. I wanted to look good because I thought it would make me look like I was happy and normal, when in all reality I was going through depression and dealing with anxiety issues, was seeing a psychologist once or twice a week, and was prescribed to antidepressants. I had nothing to fall back on since my hockey season had been a drag, so like every other lost soul on this Earth, I found relief in alcohol. Every weekend was a quest for a party or any way to drink, because it was the only way to get my mind off of things. Towards the end of my freshman year, a friend of mine told me his band was playing at the hangout. "The Hangout? That's where the weird kids hang out." I thought to myself. I went anyways and I went alone at that. At the show, I ran into Jake Juliano and Jordan Cook who I knew from school. I knew Jake from a gym class and being the loud kid who always ran around naked in the locker room spraying goldbond everywhere and Jordan and I had once been good friends sometime in elementary/middle school. Needless to say, I remember them being surprised to have seen me there, so they gave me a flier for Jesus Wept's CD release show which was coming up in 2 weeks. I had started listening to "heavier" music at the time like Atreyu, As I Lay Dying, and The Used and my friend Cory Beaumont had just introduced me to Comeback Kid, so I decided to give it a shot. I went to the show, and the rest as they say, is history.
I could sit for hours and type out why I started booking shows, all the different subgenres I've been into and my favorite bands over the past 3 years, but that would take hours. This was just the "turn around" as I call it. Hell, it was actually an Atreyu song that inspired me to get away from alcohol (Ex's and Oh's). When it comes down to it, all of my best friends and the coolest, most interesting people I have ever met I met because of hardcore and "underground" music as a whole. It taught me to be my own person and to separate myself from "social norms" and society's general acceptance. I found something that speaks and makes sense to me. There are a million different ways I could've spent my high school years, but I wouldn't have it any other way and I won't have it any other way. I never want this to leave me or me to leave it. I want to be an oldhead. I want to be the guy kids go to for old show stories and band histories. The only regret I have is that I didn't get into it earlier.
This post/rant was brought to you in part by a conversation between myself and Matt "xWhiteyx" Yocum.
Song of the day: "Yesterday's Trash" by Modern Life Is War
Screaming "never again" as we watch it wash away.
God Damn.
Disappointment sure does have a way of adding up.
But it's all a matter of perspective so we'd better start looking up.
Don't give up...cause someone said these are our glory days.
So let's do our best to beat the misery that comes with being young and fucked up.
Time to rise up.
Before yesterday's trash becomes tomorrow's hard luck."
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