I really hate my life and everything about myself. But tonight I was at Cody's and I asked for something to drink. Of course he said no at first, but after showing how deprived I was, he concurred. I grabbed a cup and opened his fridge. I saw a pitcher which looked to be full of water. I poured myself a glass and put the pitcher away. I took a sip and to my astonishment, the liquid in my cup wasn't actually water. It was clear kool-aid. It was so awesome. That was the highlight of my week... possibly summer.
Tomorrow, I might think about doing something with my life. But I'll just play Madden 09 on my PSP instead. And lose to Baltimore 54-3 on All-Madden again. My life, FUCK.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
This So Called "Shit" Is What I Live For
Hardcore is my life. I don't care if it's cheesy to admit that, or if it's just another cliche' to you. The bottom line is that if it weren't for hardcore and my involvement with the scene, I have no idea where I'd be, what I'd be doing, or who I would even be. All I know is this is where I want to be, this is what I want to be doing, and this is who I want to be.
Let me take you back four years. My parents had just gotten divorced. I had a lot of questions and no answers. All I felt was guilt, but that's another story. I was just another bro, wearing whatever was cool and only concerned with fitting in. I wanted to look good because I thought it would make me look like I was happy and normal, when in all reality I was going through depression and dealing with anxiety issues, was seeing a psychologist once or twice a week, and was prescribed to antidepressants. I had nothing to fall back on since my hockey season had been a drag, so like every other lost soul on this Earth, I found relief in alcohol. Every weekend was a quest for a party or any way to drink, because it was the only way to get my mind off of things. Towards the end of my freshman year, a friend of mine told me his band was playing at the hangout. "The Hangout? That's where the weird kids hang out." I thought to myself. I went anyways and I went alone at that. At the show, I ran into Jake Juliano and Jordan Cook who I knew from school. I knew Jake from a gym class and being the loud kid who always ran around naked in the locker room spraying goldbond everywhere and Jordan and I had once been good friends sometime in elementary/middle school. Needless to say, I remember them being surprised to have seen me there, so they gave me a flier for Jesus Wept's CD release show which was coming up in 2 weeks. I had started listening to "heavier" music at the time like Atreyu, As I Lay Dying, and The Used and my friend Cory Beaumont had just introduced me to Comeback Kid, so I decided to give it a shot. I went to the show, and the rest as they say, is history.
I could sit for hours and type out why I started booking shows, all the different subgenres I've been into and my favorite bands over the past 3 years, but that would take hours. This was just the "turn around" as I call it. Hell, it was actually an Atreyu song that inspired me to get away from alcohol (Ex's and Oh's). When it comes down to it, all of my best friends and the coolest, most interesting people I have ever met I met because of hardcore and "underground" music as a whole. It taught me to be my own person and to separate myself from "social norms" and society's general acceptance. I found something that speaks and makes sense to me. There are a million different ways I could've spent my high school years, but I wouldn't have it any other way and I won't have it any other way. I never want this to leave me or me to leave it. I want to be an oldhead. I want to be the guy kids go to for old show stories and band histories. The only regret I have is that I didn't get into it earlier.
This post/rant was brought to you in part by a conversation between myself and Matt "xWhiteyx" Yocum.
Song of the day: "Yesterday's Trash" by Modern Life Is War
"Another new beginning: down the fucking drain.
Screaming "never again" as we watch it wash away.
God Damn.
Disappointment sure does have a way of adding up.
But it's all a matter of perspective so we'd better start looking up.
Don't give up...cause someone said these are our glory days.
So let's do our best to beat the misery that comes with being young and fucked up.
Time to rise up.
Before yesterday's trash becomes tomorrow's hard luck."
Let me take you back four years. My parents had just gotten divorced. I had a lot of questions and no answers. All I felt was guilt, but that's another story. I was just another bro, wearing whatever was cool and only concerned with fitting in. I wanted to look good because I thought it would make me look like I was happy and normal, when in all reality I was going through depression and dealing with anxiety issues, was seeing a psychologist once or twice a week, and was prescribed to antidepressants. I had nothing to fall back on since my hockey season had been a drag, so like every other lost soul on this Earth, I found relief in alcohol. Every weekend was a quest for a party or any way to drink, because it was the only way to get my mind off of things. Towards the end of my freshman year, a friend of mine told me his band was playing at the hangout. "The Hangout? That's where the weird kids hang out." I thought to myself. I went anyways and I went alone at that. At the show, I ran into Jake Juliano and Jordan Cook who I knew from school. I knew Jake from a gym class and being the loud kid who always ran around naked in the locker room spraying goldbond everywhere and Jordan and I had once been good friends sometime in elementary/middle school. Needless to say, I remember them being surprised to have seen me there, so they gave me a flier for Jesus Wept's CD release show which was coming up in 2 weeks. I had started listening to "heavier" music at the time like Atreyu, As I Lay Dying, and The Used and my friend Cory Beaumont had just introduced me to Comeback Kid, so I decided to give it a shot. I went to the show, and the rest as they say, is history.
I could sit for hours and type out why I started booking shows, all the different subgenres I've been into and my favorite bands over the past 3 years, but that would take hours. This was just the "turn around" as I call it. Hell, it was actually an Atreyu song that inspired me to get away from alcohol (Ex's and Oh's). When it comes down to it, all of my best friends and the coolest, most interesting people I have ever met I met because of hardcore and "underground" music as a whole. It taught me to be my own person and to separate myself from "social norms" and society's general acceptance. I found something that speaks and makes sense to me. There are a million different ways I could've spent my high school years, but I wouldn't have it any other way and I won't have it any other way. I never want this to leave me or me to leave it. I want to be an oldhead. I want to be the guy kids go to for old show stories and band histories. The only regret I have is that I didn't get into it earlier.
This post/rant was brought to you in part by a conversation between myself and Matt "xWhiteyx" Yocum.
Song of the day: "Yesterday's Trash" by Modern Life Is War
Screaming "never again" as we watch it wash away.
God Damn.
Disappointment sure does have a way of adding up.
But it's all a matter of perspective so we'd better start looking up.
Don't give up...cause someone said these are our glory days.
So let's do our best to beat the misery that comes with being young and fucked up.
Time to rise up.
Before yesterday's trash becomes tomorrow's hard luck."
Sunday, June 28, 2009
NO LOVE CAN SAVE ME
Alright, so I started this blog a few months ago to entertain all of you with what goes on in my life. Well, because of this blog and wanting to add to it, I've found out that my life is boring and redundant, so I've decided I'm just gonna start blogging about random thoughts. What I'm about to talk about has been on my mind A LOT lately, and recent events and conversations have lead to me wanting to share some thoughts on the situation...
LOVE ISN'T REAL. The "love" anyone my age sees and thinks they feel on this Earth is nothing but lust and a desire for companionship. Maybe that's all love actually is, and if it is, what the fuck is all the hype about? I am the son of divorced parents and I just found out that a close relative just got divorced as well. Maybe that's what sparked the need to "blog about it" but I've really been questioning the idea of "love" lately and I keep getting dragged to the conclusion that this awesome feeling we're all supposed to experience at some point in our lives is just another false promise placed on our laps. If love is real, then why do more than 50% of marriages end in divorce? Does love really run out, or was it never really there in the first place? How many people out there got married out of necessity or just the fear of being alone forever? Has marriage become something we're supposed to do and we force it because we feel like it's the right thing? How many happy, married couples have you actually seen? Sadly, I know the answers to all of these questions, because I've seen it all play out before me. The love that ancient scholars spoke of either never existed or has completely deteriorated thanks in part to the downfall of our society and everything that was once good on the Earth. Lust prevails over love. We fuck our way through relationships, and we fuck our way out of them. In case you didn't know, but most people do because for some reason I'm always open about it, I'm a virgin. As often as I joke about wanting to "go out and just get laid tonight," I actually do plan on waiting for some one I honestly, truly feel a strong affection towards. However, I'm at a point where I don't even know if that will happen because so far in life, all I've felt towards girls that I've met and "talked" to is that same lust and desire for companionship that fool people into "falling in love." I'm also at a point where I don't care. I've found things that I'd rather put my heart into than a girl who I have a 50% chance of not caring about at some point in the future. I'd rather make sure I'm happy than be another statistic. END RANT. Thanks for reading if you did. Feel free to get at me if you wish to converse on this subject.
Song of the day: "Wasted" by The Carrier
"I will not wait for you, no I'll never wait for you, to be the person you promised to me.
And no you'll never see how much better off I am without you next to me.
I'd rather hold the hand of loneliness than have your blood save me.
To be the life in my veins, to be the heartbeat in my steps, to have those nights I never slept.
To get my wasted time back."
LOVE ISN'T REAL. The "love" anyone my age sees and thinks they feel on this Earth is nothing but lust and a desire for companionship. Maybe that's all love actually is, and if it is, what the fuck is all the hype about? I am the son of divorced parents and I just found out that a close relative just got divorced as well. Maybe that's what sparked the need to "blog about it" but I've really been questioning the idea of "love" lately and I keep getting dragged to the conclusion that this awesome feeling we're all supposed to experience at some point in our lives is just another false promise placed on our laps. If love is real, then why do more than 50% of marriages end in divorce? Does love really run out, or was it never really there in the first place? How many people out there got married out of necessity or just the fear of being alone forever? Has marriage become something we're supposed to do and we force it because we feel like it's the right thing? How many happy, married couples have you actually seen? Sadly, I know the answers to all of these questions, because I've seen it all play out before me. The love that ancient scholars spoke of either never existed or has completely deteriorated thanks in part to the downfall of our society and everything that was once good on the Earth. Lust prevails over love. We fuck our way through relationships, and we fuck our way out of them. In case you didn't know, but most people do because for some reason I'm always open about it, I'm a virgin. As often as I joke about wanting to "go out and just get laid tonight," I actually do plan on waiting for some one I honestly, truly feel a strong affection towards. However, I'm at a point where I don't even know if that will happen because so far in life, all I've felt towards girls that I've met and "talked" to is that same lust and desire for companionship that fool people into "falling in love." I'm also at a point where I don't care. I've found things that I'd rather put my heart into than a girl who I have a 50% chance of not caring about at some point in the future. I'd rather make sure I'm happy than be another statistic. END RANT. Thanks for reading if you did. Feel free to get at me if you wish to converse on this subject.
Song of the day: "Wasted" by The Carrier
And no you'll never see how much better off I am without you next to me.
I'd rather hold the hand of loneliness than have your blood save me.
To be the life in my veins, to be the heartbeat in my steps, to have those nights I never slept.
To get my wasted time back."
Monday, June 15, 2009
Let yourself go. Come unhinged.
Haven't updated in a while. There are 2 reasons for this: first, I've come to realize that when I'm on the internet, I like reading over writing. I sign on to blogger all the time, but read what everyone else is saying rather than type something myself. Second, I've been busy having fun. The past 2 weeks have been nothing but hanging out and shows. I have no problem with that.
Tomorrow, I start working at my new full-time job. I'll be working at Progressive Business Publications in Meadville. For the most part, I'll be on a phone all day. I'm not sure what to expect, but it's a decent paying job so, whatever.
This is my notepad. Now that BITER (new band) is in the process of writing, this little guy has been busy. Pretty much I just jot down ideas and "one-liners" in here and then hop on my computer and type something up. I put lyrics down to a song yesterday, and it sounds fucking great. I am so stoked to get everything up and running with this band. It's going to be... different. Lyrically, I'm really getting personal and putting everything out there. So far, I've heard a lot of positive feedback from the few people I've shared what I've been writing with. Keep your eye out for updates on the interwebs.
I said I was going to get in shape this summer, and I started the other day. I ran a mile haha. I ran it under 9 minutes, which is apparently pretty good from some one who is as out of shape as I am. I'm still a little sore from it (groin and shin splints) but it's the "feel good" sore as I call it.
Welp, that quickly sums up my life right now. Oh yea, Comeback Kid tattoo is happening Friday! STOKED.
STAY YOU
Song of the day: "Two Men Enter, One Man Leaves" by Most Precious Blood
"This is a call to arms for every human who still has a shred of life left in them. If they want what we have, let's see them try.
Come and take it.
Try to take it.
You won't take us.
We don't die."
Tomorrow, I start working at my new full-time job. I'll be working at Progressive Business Publications in Meadville. For the most part, I'll be on a phone all day. I'm not sure what to expect, but it's a decent paying job so, whatever.
This is my notepad. Now that BITER (new band) is in the process of writing, this little guy has been busy. Pretty much I just jot down ideas and "one-liners" in here and then hop on my computer and type something up. I put lyrics down to a song yesterday, and it sounds fucking great. I am so stoked to get everything up and running with this band. It's going to be... different. Lyrically, I'm really getting personal and putting everything out there. So far, I've heard a lot of positive feedback from the few people I've shared what I've been writing with. Keep your eye out for updates on the interwebs.
I said I was going to get in shape this summer, and I started the other day. I ran a mile haha. I ran it under 9 minutes, which is apparently pretty good from some one who is as out of shape as I am. I'm still a little sore from it (groin and shin splints) but it's the "feel good" sore as I call it.
Welp, that quickly sums up my life right now. Oh yea, Comeback Kid tattoo is happening Friday! STOKED.
STAY YOU
Song of the day: "Two Men Enter, One Man Leaves" by Most Precious Blood
"This is a call to arms for every human who still has a shred of life left in them. If they want what we have, let's see them try.
Come and take it.
Try to take it.
You won't take us.
We don't die."
Friday, June 5, 2009
ADULT CRASH
So, as of last night, I am officially graduated and DONE with high school. If you read my last post, you know how indifferently I feel about the situation. But now it's getting more confusing. Today I signed a lease to live in Apartment 3 at 113 Ontario Street for the next year (starting August) and I also scored an interview for a full time job on Monday. I'm officially becoming an adult and I feel even more indifferent about life right now than I did before. I'm becoming an adult and progressing in life which leaves me both excited and scared shitless at the same time. Fuck high school, I don't want to go back there ever again, but I also don't want to leave the stage of my life I was in even just a week ago. I know it's nothing new and probably everyone goes through it, but it still sucks. But hey, it's life, and I'm ready to take on something new for once. I'll always miss these days though:
On a different note, I had a brief conversation with my friend, Whitey, today about life. We were talking about a band we are both stoked on called Carpathian and how we both feel like we really relate to a particular song by the band. The song is called "Cursed" and the specific lines we were talking about are:
"So is this destiny, a doubtful life, feeling empty?
Worst of all to make me guilty, blindest of the blind, telling me to see.
I might hate this world, I might hate myself,
But I wont be a wasted soul, another ghost like everyone else.
To Whitey and I, this is exactly how we feel about our current states. I can't speak specifically on Whitey's behalf, but I can for myself. Recently I've been making dumb mistakes, mistakes that I am better than. Lately, I've been a bit down on myself for being such a fucking moron and not living up to the person I want to be. So, to me, this song and those lines specifically reflect how I feel, because no matter how much I get down on myself and hate who I am or question my life and it's future, I still wouldn't have it any other way because I am at least noticing my flaws and trying to fix them, which is more than 98% of this world can say.
Well, that's enough late night ranting for me. If you're free tomorrow/today (June 6th, 2009) go to my band's last show at The Hangout. Doors are at 6 PM and it's $8 to get in. STAGE DIVE.
STAY YOU.
Song of the day: "Adult Crash" by Dead Hearts
"We said we'd stay young forever
To hell with everything
We did things we swore we'd never
And now I can't believe
I never thought it'd be you
I never thought it'd be me"
On a different note, I had a brief conversation with my friend, Whitey, today about life. We were talking about a band we are both stoked on called Carpathian and how we both feel like we really relate to a particular song by the band. The song is called "Cursed" and the specific lines we were talking about are:
"So is this destiny, a doubtful life, feeling empty?
Worst of all to make me guilty, blindest of the blind, telling me to see.
I might hate this world, I might hate myself,
But I wont be a wasted soul, another ghost like everyone else.
To Whitey and I, this is exactly how we feel about our current states. I can't speak specifically on Whitey's behalf, but I can for myself. Recently I've been making dumb mistakes, mistakes that I am better than. Lately, I've been a bit down on myself for being such a fucking moron and not living up to the person I want to be. So, to me, this song and those lines specifically reflect how I feel, because no matter how much I get down on myself and hate who I am or question my life and it's future, I still wouldn't have it any other way because I am at least noticing my flaws and trying to fix them, which is more than 98% of this world can say.
Well, that's enough late night ranting for me. If you're free tomorrow/today (June 6th, 2009) go to my band's last show at The Hangout. Doors are at 6 PM and it's $8 to get in. STAGE DIVE.
STAY YOU.
Song of the day: "Adult Crash" by Dead Hearts
"We said we'd stay young forever
To hell with everything
We did things we swore we'd never
And now I can't believe
I never thought it'd be you
I never thought it'd be me"
Sunday, May 31, 2009
THE NEW FURY
I haven't updated this in a while, mainly because I was focusing on finishing school and getting some other stuff out of the way. It was weird that I was somehow busy the past few weeks. Well anyways, I'll break things down for everyone:
School- Finished strong, passed english, graduate on Thursday. The whole situation has given me a very indifferent feeling. The past 4 years I've been yearning for this day to come, and now that it has, I wonder what the fuck I was waiting for. Maybe if I had a plan other than to just "work and hang out" I'd feel better about my future but for right now I can't help but be apprehensive. But on the other hand, it does feel fucking great to be out of high school!
Tattoos- I am getting inked again tomorrow by my friend Ryan, who is also doing an apprenticeship like EMS and doing free tattoos. I will be getting this on my left thigh:
If you read 2 or 3 posts ago, you know I also planned on getting the Comeback Kid tattoo. That idea is still a plan and I've been talking to Suga Bear about it. It's just still a matter of money/the lack there of.
Music- Guts + Glory's last show is less than a week away. People keep asking me how I feel about it, and to be completely honest, I couldn't be more excited. It's nothing against the band or the members, but I feel like we had a good ride and that the engine had run out of fuel, so to speak.
I'm excited about the new band and to be able to a part of something from the beginning. I had a lot of different ideas for how I am going to write lyrically with the new project, but pretty much scrapped everything. All I can tell you is that I am going to really dig deep and get extremely personal with my songwriting. I really want to pour my heart out for this, so that's what I am going to do.
Job- Don't have one yet. FUCK.
Life- I figure now is a good time to get my shit straight and start living the way I want to live. It's not that I wasn't before, but I felt a lot of things were holding me down or back. Now that I'm out of school and am at that "new chapter" in life, I feel like I have a fresh page and I'm reading to start writing the best chapter yet. I got off to a bad start, but that's neither here nor there. I made a mistake, but I will always reap what I sow. Aside from that, I have a lot of goals I set for this summer including:
- QUIT SMOKING (for the 4th fucking time)
- Get in shape (mainly just running, hopefully to replace smoking as a stress reliever)
- Read a few books (any recommendations?)
- Work on writing short stories
- Get the new band completely up and running
I don't feel like any of these are out of reach. The first one will be the hardest and need the most focus. But I need to, and I want to.
That's about it for rght now. This past week my really good friends in Sleep Serapis, Sleep were in Edinboro for a few days and it was great hanging out with them. I love those dudes so much and I really hope to see their hard work pay of for them in the future. We went to Niagara Falls after their Buffalo show on Tuesday, so I'll leave you with 2 photos of that.
Stay you.
Niagara Falls at midnight
Red lights shone on the Falls or rape smoke? Your call.
Song of the day: "Sons and Daughters" by Verse
"Sometimes stepping out of line and walking away from all you know is the hardest thing to leave behind.
A new life defined, now we can defy the greedy men with the greenest of minds.
We never wanted to be seen as a commodity.
I refuse to be an object of a vision that blinds me.
Aggression.
I gotta break the mold.
Aggression.
Never let them take control.
Aggression.
Hands in shackles, minds confined to a cage.
Aggression.
I won’t stop until I’ve broken every chain."
School- Finished strong, passed english, graduate on Thursday. The whole situation has given me a very indifferent feeling. The past 4 years I've been yearning for this day to come, and now that it has, I wonder what the fuck I was waiting for. Maybe if I had a plan other than to just "work and hang out" I'd feel better about my future but for right now I can't help but be apprehensive. But on the other hand, it does feel fucking great to be out of high school!
Tattoos- I am getting inked again tomorrow by my friend Ryan, who is also doing an apprenticeship like EMS and doing free tattoos. I will be getting this on my left thigh:
If you read 2 or 3 posts ago, you know I also planned on getting the Comeback Kid tattoo. That idea is still a plan and I've been talking to Suga Bear about it. It's just still a matter of money/the lack there of.
Music- Guts + Glory's last show is less than a week away. People keep asking me how I feel about it, and to be completely honest, I couldn't be more excited. It's nothing against the band or the members, but I feel like we had a good ride and that the engine had run out of fuel, so to speak.
I'm excited about the new band and to be able to a part of something from the beginning. I had a lot of different ideas for how I am going to write lyrically with the new project, but pretty much scrapped everything. All I can tell you is that I am going to really dig deep and get extremely personal with my songwriting. I really want to pour my heart out for this, so that's what I am going to do.
Job- Don't have one yet. FUCK.
Life- I figure now is a good time to get my shit straight and start living the way I want to live. It's not that I wasn't before, but I felt a lot of things were holding me down or back. Now that I'm out of school and am at that "new chapter" in life, I feel like I have a fresh page and I'm reading to start writing the best chapter yet. I got off to a bad start, but that's neither here nor there. I made a mistake, but I will always reap what I sow. Aside from that, I have a lot of goals I set for this summer including:
- QUIT SMOKING (for the 4th fucking time)
- Get in shape (mainly just running, hopefully to replace smoking as a stress reliever)
- Read a few books (any recommendations?)
- Work on writing short stories
- Get the new band completely up and running
I don't feel like any of these are out of reach. The first one will be the hardest and need the most focus. But I need to, and I want to.
That's about it for rght now. This past week my really good friends in Sleep Serapis, Sleep were in Edinboro for a few days and it was great hanging out with them. I love those dudes so much and I really hope to see their hard work pay of for them in the future. We went to Niagara Falls after their Buffalo show on Tuesday, so I'll leave you with 2 photos of that.
Stay you.
Niagara Falls at midnight
Red lights shone on the Falls or rape smoke? Your call.
Song of the day: "Sons and Daughters" by Verse
"Sometimes stepping out of line and walking away from all you know is the hardest thing to leave behind.
A new life defined, now we can defy the greedy men with the greenest of minds.
We never wanted to be seen as a commodity.
I refuse to be an object of a vision that blinds me.
Aggression.
I gotta break the mold.
Aggression.
Never let them take control.
Aggression.
Hands in shackles, minds confined to a cage.
Aggression.
I won’t stop until I’ve broken every chain."
Thursday, May 7, 2009
OUTLIVE
15 days... that's where the count down is at until the end of my high school days. As of now, I'm this close "<>" to passing my english class. Good news is that we have a chance for a lot of extra credit, and all I have to do is read a book that I've been wanting to read for quite some time now called The Last Lecture. To summarize the book, it's about a professor at Carnegie Mellon named Randy Pausch who is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. CM has a series of "last lectures" where professors give speeches on what they would say/do if that day was their last. With Randy's situation, it literally is his last lecture, so he decides to focus his lecture on advice that he wants to leave for his children (who are very young and likely won't remember him) after he dies. So far the book has already been extremely influential and extremely eye-opening. The book has already inspired me to take a different approach with lyric writing. Since I want to be as sincere and real with my writing as possible, I've decided that I'm going to start writing songs as if I were on my death bed and this is what I wanted to share with the world about my ideals and experiences.
On a lighter note, I got a new tattoo:
Yes, it's a black sheep. Ink was done by EMS, who is apprenticing right now and doing tattoos for free... hit him up! It's not bad for his 11th tattoo. As for the meaning behind it, there's 2 main ideas. For one, if you look at my family, I'm definitely the "black sheep" but that's not to be taken in a negative connotation. My parents gave us (my siblings and I) a lot of freedom growing up and I turned out a lit bit differently than Cara and AJ. Second, I've never liked to concern myself with being part of the "in" crowd. I have many different groups of friends and in those groups of friends, I've always done my own thing and never worried much about trying to cater to or impress the different people I'm around. It's hard to say that with out sounding like a self-righteous prick, so take it for what it's worth.
I've already written a lot of shit with out meaning to, so I'll stop. I'll do another update in a day or two to focus on other things.
Stay you.
Song of the day: "It's Raining Again" by Grave Maker
"And if I've learned one thing from you
It's never do the things you do
You're hoping the sound of your voice will save me this time
Swearing ignorance is the key to the perfect life
But I'm better than that, than to leave my heart behind
And live for nothing"
On a lighter note, I got a new tattoo:
Yes, it's a black sheep. Ink was done by EMS, who is apprenticing right now and doing tattoos for free... hit him up! It's not bad for his 11th tattoo. As for the meaning behind it, there's 2 main ideas. For one, if you look at my family, I'm definitely the "black sheep" but that's not to be taken in a negative connotation. My parents gave us (my siblings and I) a lot of freedom growing up and I turned out a lit bit differently than Cara and AJ. Second, I've never liked to concern myself with being part of the "in" crowd. I have many different groups of friends and in those groups of friends, I've always done my own thing and never worried much about trying to cater to or impress the different people I'm around. It's hard to say that with out sounding like a self-righteous prick, so take it for what it's worth.
I've already written a lot of shit with out meaning to, so I'll stop. I'll do another update in a day or two to focus on other things.
Stay you.
Song of the day: "It's Raining Again" by Grave Maker
"And if I've learned one thing from you
It's never do the things you do
You're hoping the sound of your voice will save me this time
Swearing ignorance is the key to the perfect life
But I'm better than that, than to leave my heart behind
And live for nothing"
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