NO LOVE CAN SAVE ME

Alright, so I started this blog a few months ago to entertain all of you with what goes on in my life. Well, because of this blog and wanting to add to it, I've found out that my life is boring and redundant, so I've decided I'm just gonna start blogging about random thoughts. What I'm about to talk about has been on my mind A LOT lately, and recent events and conversations have lead to me wanting to share some thoughts on the situation...

LOVE ISN'T REAL. The "love" anyone my age sees and thinks they feel on this Earth is nothing but lust and a desire for companionship. Maybe that's all love actually is, and if it is, what the fuck is all the hype about? I am the son of divorced parents and I just found out that a close relative just got divorced as well. Maybe that's what sparked the need to "blog about it" but I've really been questioning the idea of "love" lately and I keep getting dragged to the conclusion that this awesome feeling we're all supposed to experience at some point in our lives is just another false promise placed on our laps. If love is real, then why do more than 50% of marriages end in divorce? Does love really run out, or was it never really there in the first place? How many people out there got married out of necessity or just the fear of being alone forever? Has marriage become something we're supposed to do and we force it because we feel like it's the right thing? How many happy, married couples have you actually seen? Sadly, I know the answers to all of these questions, because I've seen it all play out before me. The love that ancient scholars spoke of either never existed or has completely deteriorated thanks in part to the downfall of our society and everything that was once good on the Earth. Lust prevails over love. We fuck our way through relationships, and we fuck our way out of them. In case you didn't know, but most people do because for some reason I'm always open about it, I'm a virgin. As often as I joke about wanting to "go out and just get laid tonight," I actually do plan on waiting for some one I honestly, truly feel a strong affection towards. However, I'm at a point where I don't even know if that will happen because so far in life, all I've felt towards girls that I've met and "talked" to is that same lust and desire for companionship that fool people into "falling in love." I'm also at a point where I don't care. I've found things that I'd rather put my heart into than a girl who I have a 50% chance of not caring about at some point in the future. I'd rather make sure I'm happy than be another statistic. END RANT. Thanks for reading if you did. Feel free to get at me if you wish to converse on this subject.

Song of the day: "Wasted" by The Carrier
"I will not wait for you, no I'll never wait for you, to be the person you promised to me.
And no you'll never see how much better off I am without you next to me.
I'd rather hold the hand of loneliness than have your blood save me.
To be the life in my veins, to be the heartbeat in my steps, to have those nights I never slept.
To get my wasted time back."

Let yourself go. Come unhinged.

Haven't updated in a while. There are 2 reasons for this: first, I've come to realize that when I'm on the internet, I like reading over writing. I sign on to blogger all the time, but read what everyone else is saying rather than type something myself. Second, I've been busy having fun. The past 2 weeks have been nothing but hanging out and shows. I have no problem with that.


Tomorrow, I start working at my new full-time job. I'll be working at Progressive Business Publications in Meadville. For the most part, I'll be on a phone all day. I'm not sure what to expect, but it's a decent paying job so, whatever.


This is my notepad. Now that BITER (new band) is in the process of writing, this little guy has been busy. Pretty much I just jot down ideas and "one-liners" in here and then hop on my computer and type something up. I put lyrics down to a song yesterday, and it sounds fucking great. I am so stoked to get everything up and running with this band. It's going to be... different. Lyrically, I'm really getting personal and putting everything out there. So far, I've heard a lot of positive feedback from the few people I've shared what I've been writing with. Keep your eye out for updates on the interwebs.

I said I was going to get in shape this summer, and I started the other day. I ran a mile haha. I ran it under 9 minutes, which is apparently pretty good from some one who is as out of shape as I am. I'm still a little sore from it (groin and shin splints) but it's the "feel good" sore as I call it.

Welp, that quickly sums up my life right now. Oh yea, Comeback Kid tattoo is happening Friday! STOKED.

STAY YOU

Song of the day: "Two Men Enter, One Man Leaves" by Most Precious Blood
"This is a call to arms for every human who still has a shred of life left in them. If they want what we have, let's see them try.
Come and take it.
Try to take it.
You won't take us.
We don't die."

ADULT CRASH

So, as of last night, I am officially graduated and DONE with high school. If you read my last post, you know how indifferently I feel about the situation. But now it's getting more confusing. Today I signed a lease to live in Apartment 3 at 113 Ontario Street for the next year (starting August) and I also scored an interview for a full time job on Monday. I'm officially becoming an adult and I feel even more indifferent about life right now than I did before. I'm becoming an adult and progressing in life which leaves me both excited and scared shitless at the same time. Fuck high school, I don't want to go back there ever again, but I also don't want to leave the stage of my life I was in even just a week ago. I know it's nothing new and probably everyone goes through it, but it still sucks. But hey, it's life, and I'm ready to take on something new for once. I'll always miss these days though:


On a different note, I had a brief conversation with my friend, Whitey, today about life. We were talking about a band we are both stoked on called Carpathian and how we both feel like we really relate to a particular song by the band. The song is called "Cursed" and the specific lines we were talking about are:
"So is this destiny, a doubtful life, feeling empty?
Worst of all to make me guilty, blindest of the blind, telling me to see.
I might hate this world, I might hate myself,
But I wont be a wasted soul, another ghost like everyone else.
To Whitey and I, this is exactly how we feel about our current states. I can't speak specifically on Whitey's behalf, but I can for myself. Recently I've been making dumb mistakes, mistakes that I am better than. Lately, I've been a bit down on myself for being such a fucking moron and not living up to the person I want to be. So, to me, this song and those lines specifically reflect how I feel, because no matter how much I get down on myself and hate who I am or question my life and it's future, I still wouldn't have it any other way because I am at least noticing my flaws and trying to fix them, which is more than 98% of this world can say.

Well, that's enough late night ranting for me. If you're free tomorrow/today (June 6th, 2009) go to my band's last show at The Hangout. Doors are at 6 PM and it's $8 to get in. STAGE DIVE.

STAY YOU.

Song of the day: "Adult Crash" by Dead Hearts
"We said we'd stay young forever
To hell with everything
We did things we swore we'd never
And now I can't believe
I never thought it'd be you
I never thought it'd be me"